War Of Affection
by Crimson Sweetness
Summary: Throughout history, roommates have waged war on each other, bringing about torture and chaos for no other reason than to just be a complete dick to their friends! Join Jaune Arc, and his adoptive sibling Blake Belladonna as their lazy asses somehow manage to get girlfriends, and also destroy each other mentally, as well as physically! / Real Life AU


Author's Notes: Hello, The Loneliest of A- er, Crimson Sweetness here... God that's... weird. Okay, so, yeah, hello, I decided to give my old fics a try again. Because I actually missed them... It was making me all sad and reminiscent looking at them just kind of sitting there... cancelled... So I said fuck it, and I decided to start with this one. Because people liked it. However, I decided in my re-write I would try something new. So here it is, the new War of Affection. Which is probably a bit less than the last one, but I have some ideas for expanding the idea, and giving more depth later on. This is basically just a prologue to start it off, and to get a question out int he open. But that question, in order ot be answered, requires you to have read this, so I'll see you on the flip side, homes.

My eternal thanks to my BF, and my bitch, Maxaro for editing!

* * *

"Jaune, get your lazy bisexual ass out of bed!" Blake Belladonna yelled, banging on the wooden door to Jaune Arc's room.

The owner of said room merely groaned, turning over in his bed and feeling regret as soon as he opened his eyes. The horrid morning breath, as well as the blinding light piercing through the window both made his awakening hell.

He sat up in his bed, reaching for his glasses, not even wanting to think about putting his contacts in until later, as he rubbed at the mess of hair on his head. He smacked his lips, and yawned. The horrible banging never ceased.

"I'm awake, you useless lesbian!" He shouted back, louder than Blake had previously.

"That's Weiss' title, thank you very much! I'm a hardworking lesbian, who's waiting for her brother to take a shower so they can get to work and she can earn her paycheck!" She replied.

Jaune just wiped as his eyes and put his glasses on, staring over at the mirror across the room. He looked like such a nerd wearing his glasses; they were thick rimmed all because the EyeSmart didn't have anything left, but at least he could see, he thought. He rose out of bed and stretched, stealing another glance into the mirror before going to rummage around in his drawers.

Out of said drawers he pulled out a fresh pair of Sailor Moon boxers—because he's a manly man—and his work clothes, setting off to the shower as the smell of eggs filled the apartment. He threw open his door and the smell of eggs grew more intense.

It was as if the smell of eggs was the only smell in the world. It was so intense that Jaune felt that he would only be able to smell eggs for the next few days. Even if he lit an apple scented candle and isolated himself in a small room, it would only be eggs. All eggs, all the time. Nothing but eggs. It was just that bad, man. His olfactory organs were begging him, please, please, whatever you do, _don't get closer._

He got closer.

He walked up to the kitchen counter, and peeked into the kitchen. It was a small kitchen, but it suited his and Blake's needs just fine. It was visibly a part of the living room, with only the counter/bar separating the two.

Blake herself was hard at work making eggs and toast, perhaps the only thing either of them knew to make. It was always like this in the mornings; one would wake up the other as loudly and annoyingly as possible and then treat them to eggs and toast.

Eggs and toast, eggs and toast, eggs and toast, eggs and toast… it was all they ever ate, eggs and toast.

"Actually, you know what Blake, you can have my serving, I'm just gonna… not suffer this morning," Jaune said, and Blake shrugged as the toast popped up. She grabbed the toast and sat each slice on a plate before throwing the eggs on top of them.

"Fine by me, that just means I get more…" she hesitated, gulping and staring down at her creation before her. "Delicious… tasty… nutritious… eggs…" she poked at them with her spatula, and started sweating nervously as she carefully placed one slice of toast on top of the other, making an egg sandwich.

"And toast," Jaune reminded her.

"And toast… yay. You know, it really would have been nice if mom taught us how to make more than just eggs when we were little."

Jaune just absent-mindedly nodded in agreement, sure that they could have made plenty other types of food just fine, but equally as sure that they were too lazy to learn how.

"But, dear sister, aren't you glad," he started, breaking into animated movement and gesturing towards the unappetizing egg sandwich, "That you get to eat a nutritious breakfast every day?" He placed his elbows upon the counter, and rested his head in his hands. "Why, we could be eating nothing but cereal, but instead we get to experience the joy of somewhat tasteless chicken vagina gunk every single day!"

Blake nearly gagged upon remembering exactly what eggs were made off, and what they were ingesting. However, something Jaune had said caught her attention. "W-wait, say that again?"

Jaune took a breath. "But, dear si-"

"No, no, the other thing!"

He took another breath. "Why-"

"Fast forward a bit!"

Jaune groaned, and took yet another fucking breath. "Chicken vagina gunk?"

"No, before that!"

Jaune was ready to tear his fucking hair out… or Blake's. "We could be eating nothing but cereal…" Blake smiled widely, her imperfect front teeth showing to the world. Jaune shook his head with a quizzical expression etched upon his face. Blake nodded, her smile growing wider. Jaune's expression turned to one of realization. "Holy shit."

"I know!"

"Holy shit!"

"I know!"

"Holy _fucking_ shit!"

"I fucking know!"

* * *

Blake unlocked the front glass doors to the corner store with deft hands, having already gotten used to having to kind of... finagle the lock a little bit to coerce the door into actually fucking unlocking. She threw open the doors and ran into the back to throw on the power. The lights flickered on as if some asshole was messing with the light switch.

Jaune followed her just slightly behind as they made their way to their small ass lockers and grabbed their aprons. Their uncomfortable, itchy aprons. They were required to wear them, of course, so there was nothing they could do, however, the old man who owned the place was bad about actually getting onto employees for anything, so sometimes they just kind of hung around with them off. You know, just to spite him.

He was kind of racist; but he was that kind of racist where you know he was just racist because he was old, and you can't change his views of the world so it's just kind of like what can you do?

Which of course made it fun to mess with him just because.

Blake and Jaune went to their work stations, both letting out tired yawns. Before they had gotten to work, they weren't tired, but through some magical, mysterious force that wanted everyone on planet Earth to suffer, they were somehow suddenly very tired, and their backs hurt. Also Jaune was kind of getting a headache, but it was one of those small headaches that's like only in one of your eyes, and the other is completely fine so it feels awkward and weird, and unbalanced. Like you need to give yourself a headache in your other eye to feel normal again.

Jaune removed his glasses and rubbed at his eye, setting them down next to the cash register. He opened the drawer underneath it, looking for his contacts, but what he found instead was something completely different: Snake.

"WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK SHIT?!" He yelled, falling back onto his rump while behind him Blake leaned onto her station for support, laughing her ass off. Like, she really should have been holding onto her ass to make sure that didn't happen. "Yeah, ooh wow, fucking funny, what is it, rubber?"

Jaune reached for his glasses, and upon putting them on, proceeded to freak the fuck out yet again. The one thing he didn't account for was that Blake had put an actual snake in his station's drawer. Of course, she didn't, he just freaked out again for no reason because he thought he saw it move.

Blake was dead at this point. Like, straight up. She couldn't breathe, this was the end for her. She gathered her breath and went to open her own drawer. There was nothing in there because Jaune didn't think that far ahead. She turned and opened the side drawer.

Jaune was however, smart enough to plant something in that one.

Blake jumped and hit her knee hard on the wood, bringing tears to her eyes as she kept her eyes tightly shut, and her lips pressed together so hard that they were completely white. The dull, throbbing pain in her knee was screaming at her. It was, in a surprisingly New Yorker like accent, yelling: "Hey, sugar tits, maybe uh, we should deal with the douchebayg, eh?" And oh she wanted to. He was gonna be sleeping with the fishes tonight.

She grabbed the rubber spider and threw it at Jaune as he chuckled his cares away.

"Are you two idiots done goofing off yet? Because, newsflash: We have work to do!" Came the voice of a very, in Blake's opinion, stuck up bitch.

Weiss Schnee strutted her way inside of the corner still like she was the boss ass bitch queen of everything, and both Blake and Jaune knew that that was basically true.

Having won employee of the month for the last three years in a row, Weiss was basically the owner of the establishment while the old man was away. Not only was she an excellent worker in every single way, they had to admit, but she was also gifted with the fact that her family was very rich, and well known. This of course, mixed with the fact that she was very much white, earned her favorite points from the old man.

Behind her walked in their other co-worker, a much nicer one in both Jaune and Blake's opinion. If anyone should have earned the employee of the month award so often, it should have been her. Pyrrha Nikos was everything a normal girl wanted to be, and everything a celebrity wanted to be. She was somehow stuck on the border of celebrity status, and unknown civilian status, and she was content to stay right there.

She had everything she needed, and she knew it

Both Weiss and Pyrrha lived together in their apartment complex, a few doors down from Blake and Jaune as well, but they always came into work later, and Jaune always figured that was because of their their alarms not being as sudden and rude and eggy as theirs.

"Oh, leave them be, Weiss, they're just having a bit of fun. Besides, it's not like a lot of people come here this early in the morning," Pyrrha said, her tone as soft as ever. Weiss crossed her arms and humphed, and Jaune couldn't help but compare her to a, as the more refined people referred to them; tsundere at that moment. Like the weeb he was.

"Still, this is a respectable- well, at least _somewhat_ respectable establishment, and I think they're making the rest of us look bad! I think they should keep their games to themselves, and maybe inside their apartment where they can't damage private property," Weiss replied with a glare directed right at Jaune, proving that she was even more tsundere than he originally gleaned.

"We aren't going to damage any private property, Ice Queen, we don't go _that_ far," Jaune chuckled lightly, accidentally leaning a bit to hard on the small table that the cash register sat upon and making it give out a loud _**SNAP**_, leaving a somewhat noticeable incline in the spot where his hand was.

He quickly backed away, and threw his hands up as if he were caught by the police for something oddly specific; like unlawful possession of a firearm.

"Okay, that does that sometimes, but I can totally fix it!" He frantically tried to explain, his arms never lowering.

Weiss sighed and rolled her eyes before making her way to the back of the store.

"Oh thank god, I can breath again," sighed Blake, who had been tensely still in order to avoid somehow offending the girl.

"Yeah, you can, just try not to breathe too heavily, she might complain that you're being too loud," Jaune replied jokingly.

"She really is such a nice person at home…" Pyrrha said.

"Yeah, she is. When we're all just hanging out things are fine, but as soon as we're all at work she turns into this really bossy she-devil," Blake said. "I wonder why that is?"

Pyrrha bit her lip. "Yeah, I wonder that too."

* * *

Yang Xiao Long liked to believe she knew what was best for her sister. And in all honesty she _did_know what was best at least thirty percent of the time. At least.

The buxom blonde grinned widely and gave her sister Ruby Rose a pat on the back, and a stunning happy go lucky look. "Okay, ruby," she started happily, "Just like we practiced, right? You go in there and…"

Ruby cleared her throat, stood up completely straight, not hunched over like she usually was, and sent a salute to her sister; whom in the author's humble opinion, was someone who did not, and probably never would deserve a salute.

"I go in there, I look him straight in the eye, and I talk to him like I usually do-"

"No, no, you go in there and you _flirt_ with him!"

"Right, I go in there and I flirt with him!" The innocent look on Ruby's face made Yang snicker, it was like she had no idea what she was saying. "Er… and then what?"

"Then, you-"

"ASK HIM OUT ON A DATE!"

"... uh, yeah sure, that's good enough! Congratulations Ruby, you're ready! Now, prepare yourself, we're almost there!" Yang pointed off in the distance, and Ruby squinted to make out the corner store in the direction which she pointed. She let out a nervous yelp as she realized that she was indeed ready. Ready to run away!

"Oh no you don't!" Yang exclaimed, grabbing Ruby by the hood of her hoodie as she tried to run. "You're going to get your butt in there, and you're going to awkwardly flirt with that boy like never before, you hear me! Just… do whatever you socially awkward people do when you're together."

"Be twice as awkward to the point of not talking?"

"That's it! You'll be great sis, you're related to me after all!"

Ruby scoffed. "Yang, the last time you tried flirting with Blake you slipped on the peel of the banana you were practically deepthroating for some reason."

"I was doing no such thing!"

"That's just how _you_ eat bananas sis, it's nothing to be ashamed of." Ruby walked off, leaving a blushing Yang behind her.

"H-hey! Wait a minute, what do you mean 'that's how I eat bananas'?!"

* * *

Jaune was nearly asleep. Today had been so boring, so utterly, ridiculously normal, and boring. Not one thing had happened, and usually he'd feel glad that he hardly had to work, since that of course meant he'd been able milk his time for all it was worth and just stand around thinking about stuff. Today, however, had been different. The boredom that had settled on him like an oppressive whale scrotum rucksack, almost drowning out his stuff-thinking. Of course, _stuff _was a term he used for a certain _subject_… yes, all day long, Jaune had been thinking about a girl. A beautiful one, that was, thankfully, just as awkward and nerdy as he was;

Ruby Rose.

Jaune, in his daydreaming, looked out the windows near the front of the store. It was a nice day out, the weather was perfectly clear, and it was going to be so for the rest of the day according to the weather predictions. His shift ended in about an hour, and when he finally got home he knew exactly what he was going to do.

He was going to take off his clothes, marathon anime, watch YouTube videos, and then promptly pass the fuck out in his bed. An enviable plan to be sure.

But then his eye caught a familiar sight: Golden hair, shining so brightly that he was sure to be blinded if it got any closer, and right beside those brilliantly golden locks? A small red and black blotch, with dark hair atop its head.

This was it, there was excitement in his actions as he slammed his hand down onto the indent he had made earlier, breaking the wood even more. "Blake! Blake wake up!" He turned to face his sister as she was startled awake. She nearly fell from her standing position.

"Wha-! What! Don't steal the cookie from the cookie jar!" Jaune paid no mind to her odd words and instead slammed his fist down on whatever he could find several times as if to simulate some type of alarm.

"Never mind that, Golden Goddess and Gem Flower spotted at twelve O'clock!"

"It's two PM though!"

"Who cares, they're here Blake!" Blake seemed to scatter a bit as if she didn't know what to do with herself, but eventually she just leaned down and relaxed against whatever was near her.

Jaune did the same as the two sisters entered the store, clearly arguing with each other a little bit. Blake and Jaune knew from experience that it was only a case of lighthearted discourse and nothing bad

Their banter stopped as soon as they caught sight of Jaune and Blake. They continued on their way, giving them both looks.

Both looks were very different.

Ruby sent Jaune an innocent look, though she tried to make it as flirty as she could, which wasn't much.

Meanwhile, Yang sent Blake a look mixed with lust and practiced affection all in one. It was almost too attractive, and Blake started sweating immediately.

As soon as the sisters had gotten what they came for, they both split to their respective lanes.

Ruby awkwardly approached Jaune, as nervous as could be. Her sister said she was ready, but she wasn't so sure she could trust her. A dozen failed relationships passed through Ruby's mind, and she suddenly regretted ever asking her sister for help.

She stiffly placed all of her items on the conveyor belt, wincing when she had to place her more womanly products on it. Jaune just laughed.

"So…"

"So…"

Silence.

They both tried talking at the same time, leaving them both flustered. Ruby was afraid this would happen. Usually they talked well enough, but sometimes this happened. It was unavoidable.

"I, uh, I just wanted to say that you look really lovely today," Jaune said, his face red beyond belief.

"I, uh... oh, th-thanks! You too! Do! You do too! Look… lovely I mean. I mean, haha, handsome?! Haha what?!" Ruby's fingers fidgeted nervously against one another.

They were friends, this shouldn't be happening. The only way to find out would be to just ask and see, but Ruby was locked up stiff. She couldn't do anything. She let out a sigh of relief as Jaune started bagging her items.

"So, Ruby, we've talked quite a lot, since you come here so often, and I thought it would be kind of nice to get to know you a bit better, you know?" Ruby froze.

"I… are you asking me out on a date?" She asked, holding back a stutter.

"No! I mean- not yet! I mean, haha, what?! I just mean, I'd love to be better friends! You're really, really cool, and I feel like we get along really well, and- oh my god, I'm asking you out, aren't I?"

Ruby actually giggled, finding Jaune's nervous display kind of cute in a way that really fit him. He scratched the back of his neck.

"Yeah, I think you are… and I accept!" She adopted a cute pose and offered a salute. The author thinks that Jaune didn't deserve a salute either.

"Great! I'm off Saturday, are you free then?" Ruby nodded, pulling a wallet out of her pocket. "Fantastic, that will be forty five sixty three."

Ruby handed him the cash and the fitting, and very satisfying sound of the cash register making the Ching noise sounded it out to everyone: Jaune Arc and Ruby Rose had a date on Saturday.

"Hey sis," Ruby called, "We gotta go, you done yet?"

Yang looked down at Ruby from Blake's lane, and held up a finger. "Yeah, one second Rubes!" She turned to Blake. "Hey, uh, real quick… do you notice anything weird about the way I eat bananas?"

* * *

Author's Notes: Okay, so the question is this: Did you like this? Was it funny? Did the writing style break the fourth wall too much, and if so was it cumbersome to read? Would you prefer a more serious approach, or one that continues on the road this one is going down? The future of this fic REALLY depends on the answers I get here, and if I get answers at all. Thank you for your time!


End file.
